Author Topic: 🏥 RE is Dying 2  (Read 4147 times)

RE

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #30 on: August 03, 2021, 03:32:51 pm »
Ideas on what to do with myself for the rest of my miserable life are welcome.

RE

Don't you have some family down near the proposed gravesite in Missouri? Seems like being with family would at least involve activity, comings and goings, news of the day, occasional help with stuff?

My family such as it is consists of my sister who can't stand me and I can't stand her, a nephew and grand nephew.  I could not be of much help to them, just a burden.  Besides, it was hard enough just to move across town here to my own Death Digs, and I finally am mostly set up with all the Medicaid Bennies from the State of Alaska.  If I moved,I would have to go through that all over again.  Bottom Line: I am not going to leave the Last Great Frontier...I will die here, the sooner the better.  Preferably as painlessly as possible.  I really wish there was one of those Euthanas8ia Parlors like Edward G. Robinson got to go to in "Soylent Green".  24 hours in a beautiful Virtual Reality of all the best I wish to remember along with struff I never got a chance to do.  Then quietly drift off to the Great Beyond.  Sadly no, I get to continue living a life I am utterly bored with and hate, and I will likely die in even worse pain than I already lived through.  And for WHAT exactly?

RE

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RE

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #31 on: August 04, 2021, 02:55:42 am »
Sadly no, I get to continue living a life I am utterly bored with and hate, and I will likely die in even worse pain than I already lived through.  And for WHAT exactly?
RE

More time.

???

RE

Digwe Must

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #32 on: August 04, 2021, 10:16:33 am »
Hey RE  Sorry I did not follow through sooner. 

We had several rounds of lightening storms last night and lost power until 10am.  Several strikes within a mile and hundreds (perhaps a thousand) in the general NE Washington area.  Not enough rain to impede any fires that get going - and they will get going. We've been looking for smokes all morning.  We're already at extreme fire danger with level 4 restrictions and several fires from the last round of lightening burning tens of thousands of acres, and with air that is so full of smoke you can slice it.  Welcome to the future.

Regarding my suggestion.

We are lucky to have a young friend who helps us out two weeks a month, interning here.  He is in his thirties and about 10 years ago went to Afghanistan for two combat tours with the Marine Corps.  He was in the sh*t.  He and several of his buddies had fairly severe PTSD with most of the common symptoms- including depression, rage and anxiety.  Eventually, someone suggested micro-dosing psilocybin mushrooms.  The effects for L and his friends were remarkably positive.  Tremendous results on limiting all of the symptoms.  I've read that people also  have a high rate of success stopping various addictions with m-dosing.

I am speaking of a tiny dose daily.  Not nearly enough to get high.  A recreational dose is considered generally to be 1 - 1.5 grams.  For the micro-dosing one only takes .1 - .3 grams.  A transformative dose is 2.5 grams+.  I'm told one can start to feel the positive effects of micro-dosing within a few days.  The transformative dose should only be taken with a trained "guide" -  and is also very useful helping folks with terminal illnesses and more severe psychological problems.

I'm afraid I need to get back out to the woods so I do not have the time at this moment to look up the links that might get you some more information.  I do know this isn't isn't hippie bullshit.  Academic studies, that I'm sure you can find online back all this up.  There are several good you tube videos by clinicians and academics on the subject.

Regarding the cost - Last year the local price for an oz of mushrooms was about $100.  Micro-dosing an ounce would last for several months.

You're a smart guy and I think if the attitude improves you will find much of value to do.  You have helped many people and it's no time to quit now.  Things are just getting interesting.

Gotta go. A chopper with a bucket just flew overhead headed to the reservoir.  When the air is this thick it is very hard to pick out new smokes.

Work at this. Don't give up.

RE

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #33 on: August 04, 2021, 03:50:29 pm »
I'm not "giving up" but this prescription has a few problems.

#1-  I have no idea where or from whom I could acquire the shrooms

#2-  Like being drunk, being high on hallucinogens might alter my perceptions and might make me "happier", but it wouldn't change a thing about the crappy existence I am living in a senior housing development with nothing much to do.

#3  I don't really feel I have anything left to "give" that hasn't been said already by me or someone else.

#4 Astoundingly few people are the least bit interested in collapse, and even fewer than that give a **** about what an impoverished cripple has to say about it.

Keep trying though, don't give up.

RE

Eddie

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #34 on: August 05, 2021, 12:18:02 pm »
RE:  I haven't been in the neighborhood for a while (didn't feel particularly welcome) -

 I also did not mean to say anything intended as a personal attack. Sorry if I might have come across that way. I will argue all day, but nothing I say is meant to bash anybody personally. Sometimes maybe I go over the top....but it isn’t intentional.

RE

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #35 on: August 05, 2021, 01:12:33 pm »
Well, my Care Coordinator did at last come through with a recliner and got it here himself with a friend in a pickup.  So last night I slept in it, which was better except at one point I knocked the control off to the floor and couldn't reach it while in the reclined position.  Iwas pretty stuck and only after much struggle and sweating was I able to grasp the connecting wire and retrieve it.  This is the big problem when you depend on powered devices.  Same with my scooter.  I am afraid to venture far on it for fear it will quit on me somewhere far from home.  When I am with a helper OK, but then I can use a manual wheelchair and they can push.  So the scooter doesn't really make me much more independent.  With the recliner, I have put the control in a better position so hopefully I won't knock it off again.  But if we have a power outage while I am in it, this could be a huge problem.

I also have now cancelled the work on thew prosthetic leg with the provider I had so much trouble with.  I see a new provider next week, but there will probably be issues with Medicare & Medicaid in making the change, so who knows when or if I will ever get a fake leg.  I doubt it will improve my life all that much anyhow.

The real daily problem I have is all the little things I find I cannot do like open a bottle or move some stuff around during the majority of time I do not have a helper around.  Plus all the tasks I can do like going to the toilet (forrtunately, because if I can't do that it's back to Assisted Living) but which take great effort and time to do.  Just daily living is a pain in the ass.

Beyond all this is the fact this is all I have to look forward to for the rest of my pitiful life.  Very depressing.

RE

Digwe Must

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #36 on: August 05, 2021, 06:08:00 pm »
 

RE:  Again have to apologize for not answering sooner.  There is an ominous feel to all this smoke and a red sun.  After all the lightening we had Tuesday night I'm pleasantly surprised there aren't more fires.  We have to give it a few days.  Lightening can live underground in tree roots for quite a while.  I'm actually teaching myself to use a new little tractor.  My ox, Hercules, went down a few months ago and I had to shoot him.  He was a fine animal and I miss him.  Anyway, I could train a new ox if my legs held out- preferably another Brown Swiss - but we'd be another 2 years before I could really count on hauling large loads and doing much intricate work.  I'm already older than dirt.  Meanwhile the firewood stack grows, the garden is producing and I have too many sheep.

Sorry about the recliner control problem.  At least you'll be able to sleep better from here on out.

#1  This is not an insurmountable problem. The shrooms are very popular.  People are also aware of the micro-dosing approach.  I am certainly not cutting edge when I suggest this for you.  Many folks know much more about it than I do.  I have just seen it help some people who were bad off and improved markedly.  Do some asking around if you are interested.  If you find no leads there are other avenues.

#2 It's really not about being high.  Really.  The goal is emotional resilience.  If you feel buzzed or wiggly or get the tingles you have taken a little too much.  You should not be aware at all of any psychedelic reaction.  (unless that is your goal)  You start with tiny doses to make sure you can digest it.   This will not interfere with your drinkin'.  You may decide to drink a little  less - or maybe not.  I take a dram now and again and used to be in the saloon business back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.  You're old enough to drink if you want to.

M-dosing doesn't fuzz you out of reality or zombify you into a Stepford geezer.  It is not a magic fix for your situation and it is not an irrelevant bandaid.  If you want to spend less of your time and energy feeling miserable then I suggest it.  If you want to find some things to focus on that bring you satisfaction and meaning, you must avoid falling into the black pit. The good stuff doesn't live down there. Micro-dosing should help with this.  In no way would I expect m-dosing to alter your cuddly teddy bear personality.

Paul Stamets ( I believe he is the world's foremost mycologist) has some good work on micro-dosing.  Lex Friedman has some really good interviews with academics and clinicians who study and use psychedelics in treating people.

#3 and #4  I get this feeling of frustration.  I share much of it especially the degree to which people are pegging the oblivious meter.  But, you are the guy who wants to save everyone he can.  There is much biblical stuff about people not heeding the prophets.  Being a prophet of impending doom has never been a path to easy living. 

My own opinion is that if this is what you are supposed to do, if this is your path, then this is no time to quit.  If you are a person who just must play music- you play.  The size of the audience doesn't matter you just play.  There is no disgrace in playing the old favorites with a new twist or riff. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNp1kqnRw-U&list=TLPQMDUwODIwMjGU4BGv3WQs7g&index=4


There are plenty of dilettante doomers out there.  Many of them do doom and collapse for profit. Folks that are trying to scare you just enough to sell you something.  You, however, are the Doyen Of Doom, evolved beyond the profit motive.  Go with it.  ( I almost said run with it.  That would have been in poor taste.)

Having said that, it may be that you decide to move on to something else.  But moving on to perpetual misery should not be an option.  I think the quickest and best way (for now) to transcend the feculence of your situation is to find that project or pastime that you can generate some passion for.

Give this guy a few minutes of your time. He's also missing a leg.


Not knowing anything about streaming I can't comment with any degree of helpfulness on K-Dog's suggestion.  But I do have this image of RE as Reginald Eversham in a red velvet smoking jacket with the background of a well-to-do Englishman's library complete with roaring fire.  A brandy snifter, perhaps a cigar and doom.  Lots of doom.

I must go feed the critters and tighten things up for the night.  I could go on for pages about the stress of this drought and heat on the critters and trees.  I won't put you through that.

By the way, RE, do you ever go fishing?  I know you are more of a tech guy, but I was wondering if there is a wheelchair accessible fishing dock for the public anywhere close by.  You could catch dinner.  Just a thought.



 

Digwe Must

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #37 on: August 05, 2021, 06:13:18 pm »
Eddie

Thanks very much for that note.  Appreciate it.  Not to worry.  We're good.

K-Dog

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #38 on: August 05, 2021, 07:01:32 pm »

RE

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #39 on: August 06, 2021, 01:44:06 am »


RE:  Again have to apologize for not answering sooner.  There is an ominous feel to all this smoke and a red sun.  After all the lightening we had Tuesday night I'm pleasantly surprised there aren't more fires.  We have to give it a few days.  Lightening can live underground in tree roots for quite a while.  I'm actually teaching myself to use a new little tractor.  My ox, Hercules, went down a few months ago and I had to shoot him.  He was a fine animal and I miss him.  Anyway, I could train a new ox if my legs held out- preferably another Brown Swiss - but we'd be another 2 years before I could really count on hauling large loads and doing much intricate work.  I'm already older than dirt.  Meanwhile the firewood stack grows, the garden is producing and I have too many sheep.

Sorry about the recliner control problem.  At least you'll be able to sleep better from here on out.

#1  This is not an insurmountable problem. The shrooms are very popular.  People are also aware of the micro-dosing approach.  I am certainly not cutting edge when I suggest this for you.  Many folks know much more about it than I do.  I have just seen it help some people who were bad off and improved markedly.  Do some asking around if you are interested.  If you find no leads there are other avenues.

#2 It's really not about being high.  Really.  The goal is emotional resilience.  If you feel buzzed or wiggly or get the tingles you have taken a little too much.  You should not be aware at all of any psychedelic reaction.  (unless that is your goal)  You start with tiny doses to make sure you can digest it.   This will not interfere with your drinkin'.  You may decide to drink a little  less - or maybe not.  I take a dram now and again and used to be in the saloon business back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.  You're old enough to drink if you want to.

M-dosing doesn't fuzz you out of reality or zombify you into a Stepford geezer.  It is not a magic fix for your situation and it is not an irrelevant bandaid.  If you want to spend less of your time and energy feeling miserable then I suggest it.  If you want to find some things to focus on that bring you satisfaction and meaning, you must avoid falling into the black pit. The good stuff doesn't live down there. Micro-dosing should help with this.  In no way would I expect m-dosing to alter your cuddly teddy bear personality.

Paul Stamets ( I believe he is the world's foremost mycologist) has some good work on micro-dosing.  Lex Friedman has some really good interviews with academics and clinicians who study and use psychedelics in treating people.

#3 and #4  I get this feeling of frustration.  I share much of it especially the degree to which people are pegging the oblivious meter.  But, you are the guy who wants to save everyone he can.  There is much biblical stuff about people not heeding the prophets.  Being a prophet of impending doom has never been a path to easy living. 

My own opinion is that if this is what you are supposed to do, if this is your path, then this is no time to quit.  If you are a person who just must play music- you play.  The size of the audience doesn't matter you just play.  There is no disgrace in playing the old favorites with a new twist or riff. 


There are plenty of dilettante doomers out there.  Many of them do doom and collapse for profit. Folks that are trying to scare you just enough to sell you something.  You, however, are the Doyen Of Doom, evolved beyond the profit motive.  Go with it.  ( I almost said run with it.  That would have been in poor taste.)

Having said that, it may be that you decide to move on to something else.  But moving on to perpetual misery should not be an option.  I think the quickest and best way (for now) to transcend the feculence of your situation is to find that project or pastime that you can generate some passion for.

Give this guy a few minutes of your time. He's also missing a leg.

Not knowing anything about streaming I can't comment with any degree of helpfulness on K-Dog's suggestion.  But I do have this image of RE as Reginald Eversham in a red velvet smoking jacket with the background of a well-to-do Englishman's library complete with roaring fire.  A brandy snifter, perhaps a cigar and doom.  Lots of doom.

I must go feed the critters and tighten things up for the night.  I could go on for pages about the stress of this drought and heat on the critters and trees.  I won't put you through that.

By the way, RE, do you ever go fishing?  I know you are more of a tech guy, but I was wondering if there is a wheelchair accessible fishing dock for the public anywhere close by.  You could catch dinner.  Just a thought.

Doom was my path when I still had something that could pass for a life.  Now I am the Rolling Dead.  A Zombie in a Wheelchair.  My motto while still alive was "Save as Many as You Can;  now I can't even save myself.  I can't lead by example and live out in the bush,  I need just about all the perks of industrial civilization just to stay alive physically, and even then I need daily help.  I don't see the point in stuffing my digs with preps again, its just a pain to move it all when I need to go to hospital and give up this place too.  Unless I am fortunate and physically fully die first, I will end up in assisted living again.  Just one hopefully with better food than the last one and not so many dementia residents/

I am not sure how you think I could find a Shroom Provider.  I never leave the digs except with my PCA and that is just to go shopping at a food store or maybe Walmart.  Maybe you could mail some to me.

I can't fish anymore, I can't hold a rod or use the reel.  Also no way to get to a fishing location except with a lot of help.  Just ask Eddie what a pain it was for him to ship around a cripple in the RV when I still had both legs.  It would be an order of magnitude worse now.

I spent a decade of my life writing about doom, and guess what it's still coming.  Live Streaming about it, it will still come.  I do not have the energy or inclination to repeat myself on the topic.

Sorry for being so miserable.

RE

Digwe Must

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #40 on: August 06, 2021, 10:51:29 pm »
Hey RE  Worked outside in bad smoke today. Wound up with a terrible headache.  Get back to you in the AM

Digwe Must

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #41 on: August 08, 2021, 08:44:11 am »
Well I didn't say which AM.

We wound up having to shear sheep yesterday.  Months late.  The guy that does our shearing got hurt last spring and this was the first time he could get at it.  His assistant is going back to school and our intern is not here so it was senior citizen sheep shearing day.  The ewes weren't bad, but because I couldn't butcher much last fall or winter due to hernia surgery, we have 4 rams that wanted to wrestle - especially because some of the ewes are in heat. I wound up dead asleep by 8:30.

Since you asked, RE, I know someone who can help you out.  I have an old friend who lives in Oregon where shrooms have been declared kosher.  He is a charter member of BOOF (Benevolent Order of Old Farts) a fraternal "organization" devoted to servicing the needs of the 3G community (Grumpy Grouchy Geezers). I'm sure he will be empathetic to your situation.

I'd be happy to obtain some locally and send them to you, but we've been having this discussion in a very public venue and although the amount in question is minute and the goal is medicinal I will take discretion as the better part of valor here.  Asking my friend shouldn't add more than a day or two to the process.
So get me an address where you can receive packages.

As for your being sorry over being miserable...  I've been around a while and I've tried to pay attention.  It is my considered opinion that any damn thing can happen to just about anybody at almost any time.  In other words, it could be me in that wheelchair - or any one of us.  I can't tell you that I would be any cheerier than you are.  I might be worse.  A lot worse.



To illustrate the point: A few days ago I was thinning in some cedar - a nasty tangle and cedar has very grabby limbs.  Not to go into too much detail, I cut one limb that was under a lot of stress and a small tree sprung loose, bounced off another tree and came after me.  It missed my head by less than a foot and landed on the chainsaw bar.  The bar bit into my pants and just barely nipped me on the inner thigh- barely a scratch.  (Yeah I should have been wearing chaps - they are just hot and restrictive.) As they used to say about football - It's a game of inches.

My mistake about fishing.  I didn't know you couldn't handle a conventional rod.  They do have fishing equipment for handicapped folks.  (more on that some other time) But, I thought because you are in a senior facility that they'd have the bus with a lift that takes the residents out on excursions.  My real object here was to get you out into nature - or at least real air, real weather.  Maybe a few trees and some birds.  If you were within driving distance I'd bring you out here so you could sit in the shade, visit with the animals and talk to the breeze.  Just my opinion, but I think it would do you some good to get more exposure to nature than a Walmart parking lot.  May be you and your PCA could just stop at a park for a while.

Get me that address, RE

If I could figure out how to attach a photo to this post I'd send you a shot of Hercules.  He was a magnificent animal.

We might get a rain shower today.  That would be a blessing.  Back into the hundreds later in the week.

There have been some really good posts lately by you, k-Dog , Phil Potts  I hope to be able to reply later.  Peace.







RE

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #42 on: August 08, 2021, 12:47:53 pm »
As a long time reader, you know how I love Phil Ochs, so a real good choice of tunes there. :)  There are great covers of the tune by numerous folkies, Joan Baez does a great one.  My favorite is the version done by Marianne Faithful.



Besides being Mick Jagger's girlfried and a serious substance abuser, she was also the great (or great-great, not sure) granddaughter of the Marquis de Sade.  A true blue blood member of the Illuminati.  Her enunciation in absolutely perfect Eaton and Cambridge quality King' English really makes the song poignant, IMHO.

I never though I would make it past 50 and lived my life as though I would not.  I had the poor fortune not to die young, though I had many opportunities and close calls.

Far has mailing me shrooms, I have yet to even have an Amazon delivery to this address.  So it will have to wait some, and as I said I really do not see that as any real change for me.

Far as I know there are no fishing expeditions for cripples, I even have had trouble getting set up for Mealz-on-Wheelz.  They never pick up the phone and the voicemail is always full.  The "excursions" done by the Life Works program just drive cripples and old folks around, most of the time you are in the van for maybe an hour in a park somewhere.  No thanks, I'd rather stay home.

RE

Digwe Must

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #43 on: August 17, 2021, 04:43:20 pm »
RE  I haven't been able to check in for a week or so.  Intensely busy trying to salvage some harvest and get more pasture for the sheep.  But today it rains.  Enough rain to make a difference.  Sunday night we had a storm of ash and black charred bits (needles, bark) as a cold front rolled through.  This rainstorm is a gigantic stress reliever.

How are you doing?  Sleeping any better?  How is the new place working out?

RE

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Re: 🏥 RE is Dying 2
« Reply #44 on: August 17, 2021, 05:44:31 pm »
New place better than the old place.  More on that in other threads

RE